How many times a day are you asked: “What do you want?” When you are feeling confident and comfortable, you can articulate exactly what you want clearly and concisely. However, have you ever noticed that when you are feeling unsure and uncomfortable, you seem to have no idea what you really want. It’s often easier to ask someone else “what do you want?” or “what do you think?” in order to put the responsibility squarely on their shoulders to figure out what you want. Or you may say to someone: “I will be, do or have whoever or whatever you want” when it is absolutely clear to you who or what you want to be, do or have but you want the other person to be it, do it or have it for you or to guess what you want.
If you know what you really want, then ask for it and then accept it with grace and gratitude. If you do not know what you really want then ask for it – help, guidance, an idea, an opinion, a suggestion or a piece of information. If you know what you really want and it is important to you that you receive it, avoid saying “whatever you want” to someone else. They will understand this literally rather than what you really mean which is “I am too busy, bored, tired, stressed or distracted to make a decision or to receive what I want and I want to avoid any responsibility for the decision, the receiving or the outcome”.
If you know what you really want but you want to be liked, please the other person or avoid any conflict, you may opt to give the other person what they want. You think that the person will then like you and feel indebted to you. The interesting thing is that the result that you were expecting rarely happens and you become increasingly angry, resentful and disappointed. Because the other person now has what they want, they are happy to continue on their merry way with you left behind feeling surprised and bewildered.
So if you know what you really want, just ask for it. Remember if you don’t ask you don’t get and nothing ventured, nothing gained. To get what you want often requires doing the hard work. If you aren’t willing to do the hard work, then you probably won’t get what you want. Before you ask for what you want, take some time to think about what you really want. Then ask for it simply and specifically and be ready to receive it.